Flying Into the Light: Self Esteem and Self Worth

This is a great conversation I had with a client yesterday.

When we first started working together more than a year ago, he said that he suffered from low self-esteem and that this was one of the issues he wanted to work on.? Unsurprisingly, this lack of self-esteem turned out to be related to bad/abusive relationship experiences he'd had, and we've healed a lot of that.? Still, I thought it was time to ask him how he was doing, overall, with the question of self esteem.? I believe that it's important to check in periodically and see how an issue is improving--or not improving--globally.? This is how I can assess if there is something that needs to change in my own approach--do we need to do some EMDR around past negative events, do we need to go into a more somatic process, is it a spiritual/meaning of life/existential issue, etc.

So, he said something very interesting:? "My self esteem still isn't that great but my self worth has come up a lot."

"That's great.? What would you say the difference is?"? I asked, intrigued.? This appears to me to be a very sophisticated and accurate way to talk about it.? This client is very intelligent (far more than he used to think he is, so coming to an awareness of that has been really helpful for his self worth, for sure.)

He said, "Self esteem...it changes a lot depending on who I'm around, how I look that day, what other people might think of me.? Self worth doesn't change that much. I know now that I'm a good person and deserve more from my relationships than I used to think."

I thought this was great.? Self worth is like the core; a sense of being a deserving human who rightly occupies a place in the world, gives and receives love, is treated and treats others with dignity and respect, is effective and capable, competent and strong.? It's the core.? Self esteem, well, it changes; it might be better on the days you have on an awesome pair of jeans, or a good hair day, or you get a smile from a stranger.??

So yeah.? I think the core of good healing is the self worth. I would like to see self esteem come up too, but if the self worth is gaining ground and growing, that's the most important thing and likely a lot of the self esteem stuff will follow it.? Incidentally, how awesome is it for a man to openly say that this is part of what he wants for himself out of healing?? I told him that one of the reasons people love him (because they really do) is that he's brave.? He gets out there and deals with himself and thinks about things, and people admire that even though it scares the pants off them initially.? I think it's hard for a lot of men to even admit they have self-esteem issues much less get assistance with them.? It takes a courageous guy to face that one down and work with it.? I love it when the myth busters show up in my life!

Source: http://www.dovehealingarts.com/2012/10/self-esteem-and-self-worth.html

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